Facebook Ads Are Making Me Insecure

I love Facebook. It's been good to me for years. We've had problems in the past, but overall, it's easy to use and pleasant on the eyes. It also keeps me connected to people who I never see with out all the commitment of phone calls, emails, or visits.

Aside from allowing be to be socially lazy, I've decided that FB's ad algorithm is starting to irritate me. Irritate me worse than my nutty Aunt Esther. Here are a few examples:

Don't Worry Anne, You're Not Fat. You Just Need to Diet and Exercise -
This is famously quoted by my mother, who's well-known for picking holes into my self-esteem. I've come to the age where I'm a bit hardier about taking flack from her and my aunts about my weight, but to hear it from Facebook too? Thanks a lot. Jerks. It's bad enough that I have a hoard of Asian women from a 3rd world country with weight standards set in the 1960's on my back about this. Way to salt the wound.




Are you self-conscious about your face? Because you should be.
As if an acne-afflicted adolescence wasn't enough to scar you for life, either emotionally or physically, there's nothing like an ad campaign tailored to your age group and gender to make you feel good about yourself. I have my aunts hocking bars of Clinique SEVERE Acne Prevention Soap at me, my mother claiming that I'll be lucky to find someone who'll look beyond my ugly mug, and random family friends pushing Acutane so that I may one day have a shot at happiness. Fabulous. Good thing I have the hide and complexion of a rhino to survive these criticisms.


Will you ever get married? We're concerned that you're getting old.
So the other day my mother tells me about how my father is growing concerned that I will never marry as I am "getting a little old." In fact, my tactful mother has mentioned how she's always thought of me as "difficult to marry." What I don't get is that I've always been in monogamous relationships, the last one being 5 years long. That said, they're hoping that my current relationship will work out, as shown by their zeal to accept my boyfriend into our "group" ("family" is such a strong word), often showering him with gifts and unwanted money. To my credit, I wouldn't say that I'm THAT low on the marry-ability scale, but they're my parents and thus have bizarre standards. My aunts on the other hand have been forthright about what they want, stating: "It's nice that you want to get an education, but the real reason why you're in college is for your Mrs degree. Don't get the PhD or you'll never get married." To escape all this, I check Facebook to see who some of my real friends are and low and behold, I get a slew of engagement ring ads. So thanks Facebook for nagging me just as much as my traditional family members.

For the Dudes in House, Check Out the Asian Ladies
I don't have photo evidence of this one, but I've heard this happen to more than one source. Those being both my current boyfriend and an ex of mine. Apparently, thank to having dated me, they receive ads to "Chat with Single Asian Ladies," "Find Interracial Relationships," and "Search for Asian Singles Now." So, not only is Facebook singling me out for my gender, it's targeting the guys I date on the basis of my race. I'm not sure where this falls on the scale of morality, but I feel like it's crossing a lot of personal boundaries for me. Thus, on one hand, they're targeting ads to make me concerned about getting married, while on the other, they're pitching new ways to replace me in my current and past relationships. Thanks for nothing.

See this Feministing post on the same topic: Hands Off My Self-Esteem (Thanks Half Awake)

UPDATE:

Picture of Racially Targeted Ads


















I'm not sure what this means, but I don't like it.

Odd Similarities

Odd Similarities between Current Boyfriend and Ex:

• Names start with a "J"
  
• Are the same height
  
• Born in late September (birthdays 9 days apart)
  
• Drive Hondas
• Studied Chemical Engineering (like my dad... oh god)
  
• Own the same Olympus camera with sliding manual shutter opening mechanism (received from their mothers)
• Have mother's maiden names as middle names
  
• Were addicted to MUDs in high school
  
• Really liked the game Portal

Odd Similarities Between Me and Current Boyfriend's Ex:

• Come from Taiwanese immigrant families
• Father was a motel/hotel owner
• Have "Ann" in our first names
  
• Born in mid-May (birthdays 5 days apart)

Are we all just archetypes (geek vs. 2nd gen)? Is there some greater meaning to all of this?

The important thing is that we're happy. But, it's funny to reflect on these things. Funny in the head that is.

Once Upon an MTV Made Mattress

So one day a few weeks ago, my little sister, Susan, stops by at my apartment dressed like she had stepped out of an 80's dance movie scene. She explained that her acting company, Running to Places, a local group of Ithaca-area star high school actors, was doing something special but couldn't explain because it was top secret.

Afterward, she was allowed to explain that they had staged another "audition" for their production of Once Upon A Mattress for MTV's Made. Apparently, a girl from Ithaca High School had been chosen for the show. For those of you not familiar with Made, it is a "reality" show where they have a camera crew follow a high school student for 6 weeks while they attempt to reach an ambitious personal goal, usually involving the pursuit of something glamorous (think Little Miss Sunshine or the Karate Kid). The IHS girl was intent on starting her acting/dance career and trained with the director of Running to Places for the audition. Of course the girl gets in and is assigned to be my sister's understudy for her 3 line speaking role as "Lady Henrietta."

Opening Night
After a hellish (which I have now accepted as normal) day at work, I arrive just in time to see the curtains open. Having been in a middle school production of the show as "Lady Lucille," a character similar to my sister's, I was pretty sure I knew what to expect. The execution of the show was fantastic, the dancing coordinated, and the acting actually believable and well cast. However, I was shocked by the suggestive material during the play that, despite actually performing the thing, I had somehow missed the real meaning of. It was similar to watching "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" or "SpaceBalls" as an adult, finally understanding raunchy jokes that were missed by adolescent ears.

Nostalgia - Back in the Day
As I watched, I had fond memories of doing the show. My friend Kaitlin, who is now touring the nation in a children's theater group, was Princess Winifred. My friend Erika, a music teacher in Cambridge who's due in February with her first child, the queen. Puneet, now in medical school, Prince Dauntless. I even remembered how Emily, who works as a Martian photographer (no joke) with the Rovers at Cornell, drew the T-Shirt(as depicted above). I became giddy when I saw the shirt, but then realized that it was 12 years ago. That's the age of an adolescent child, an entire cycle of the Chinese zodiac calendar, and a song by Christian Rap artist T-Bone.

I think it was during this play that I concocted the idea of the "sniper bunny," a vigilante rabbit that sits in the rafters waiting for one of the young cast members to start goofing off, an event which would prolong rehearsals, and snipe them with a tranquilizer dart, sending them into a gentle sleep. I explained this theory to my friend Rachael, as I would often develop elaborate hypothetical schemes to address certain issues in my life (in this case, young 5 &6th graders). In hindsight, I'm glad I never actually told this to an adult, who might have gotten me suspended from school, given the Zero Tolerance policy. I guess some people find shooting children funny and others don't. Even if I meant tranquilizers.

Raunchy! Oh God, Protect the Parents!
The other point I'd like to make was that the content was not only baudy, but an interesting perspective on male-female relations. That is, Princess Fred is strong, but not too strong. The women are only interested in marriage, and the men in lust. I mean, a main component of the King's character is that he chases the chamber maids. The Minstrel comments, "Don't worry, one day he'll catch one," which I'm sure they meant it as: "One day, he'll get a girl who loves him or reciprocates his attention." However, my initial reaction was "Aaaaahhh! They are making a rape joke! What are they teaching children?!" In all fairness, the musical was written in 1959, where this stuff must have caused riots and it was pretty audacious to acknowledge sex. Susan also noted the implications of sex in the lyrics (ex: "And it's been God knows how long since!" and "Nobody's getting any... younger!"), all of which made me almost as uncomfortable as the time my mom wanted to come with us to see the Sex and The City Movie. (If you've seen the movie, you know at which scene my mom jumped and covered her eyes, then my sister's, then mine.)

My 15 Seconds of Fame
Resisting the temptation to cover my mother's eyes and ears, I was able to avoid all eye contact with her and thoroughly enjoyed the show. During intermission, I walked with my mother to the bathroom. As we exited the auditorium, I asked if she remembered the show I was in. The second we passed through the auditorium doors, she said "Of course, I remember!" with the excitement of a proud mother. "But these guys are REALLY good!" At that moment, I realized the MTV Made cameras were filming just outside the door, as I adjusted a fallen bra strap.

Of course, I gawked at the camera with a deer-in-headlights expression with my arm stuck partially down my shirt, and quicly ran off. I wasn't that offended by my mother's comment, as I really felt that these guys were awesome and at a more appropriate age where the delivery of the jokes wasn't as forced or contrived. Besides, she's apt to make these statements anyhow ("Don't worry Annie, you're not fat. You just need to exercise!) and so I saw it as water off my back.

As we arrived in the bathroom, it occurred to me that now, somewhere in the annals of footage from the shooting of this production, there is an outtake of my mother jabbing me slightly in my self-esteem while I am apparently reaching into my shirt. A brilliant moment of vulnerability, captured forever in film.