Ok, so I've made some recent forays into online dating using OkCupid. The website is awesome in that it's full of silly quizzes such as The Dating Persona Test, The Nerd/Geek/ or Dork Test or the What Type of Man Turns You On Test (classy, no?). Anyway, besides providing endless hours of question answering, it actually draws interesting matches based on questions that you answer and actually explains the statistics behind the analysis (see FAQ for all of its mathematical glory).
Fears of Online Dating:
Anyway, I recently got into an argument with my Aunt Esther about online dating (see previous post below - note that my "complaints" are all sarcastic in some way). Despite her other misconceptions about the internet, one major point she keeps rehashing is the need to distrust everything, especially dating. My mother once told me to be careful when applying to jobs online because she saw something on Court TV where a girl was lured into a fake place of business under the premise of a job interview. The point is, you obviously can't trust everyone on the internet, the same as you can't trust everyone you meet. However, it's much easier to lie on the internet. That said, you should exercise some free thinking and exercise some discretion when making decision based on information from a questionable source. I explained to her that dating on the internet was not that different from meeting a matchmaker (such was common in traditional Taiwanese culture) and having her match you with potential spouses based on her knowledge of you two. So yes, the matchmaker may be more likely to reject seriously bad candidates, but then again for the right price she may be willing to risk her reputation to do this.
The way they used to do this is through good old-fashioned letter-writing. I explained to my aunt that, hypothetically, you could still lie in these letters the way you could lie on the internet. She retorted that the man on the internet could have AIDS and never tell you. Then you could marry a dying man and that you would die too. I tried to explain diplomatically (aside from the fact that her example would be highly unlikely, that HIV is controllable through medication, or that you might not have jumped into such a marriage without asking some questions) that this could also happen with the matchmaker situation as well. Oddly enough, my father agreed with me and said that it was the new future of dating and marriage.
Online Dating in a Small Town:
However, what I did not anticipate was the fact that dating on the internet in a small town becomes a relatively complicated task (dating on its own is a complicated task even without the internet). Every once in a while, I spot someone that I've seen on the website. It's not so bad until you realize that you may have shot them down. I'm not here to kiss and tell, but its local complications mean that there can be a consequence to your online activities whereas in a larger locality that anonymity can be maintained.
Perceptions Based on Your Profile Name:
That or you remember their moniker, their profile name (i.e. The Manimal - who actually seems pretty nice and geeky despite the machismo of his name), or some obscure fact (i.e. - "Ohhh right, he's the man child and has issues about his ex in his profile"). I spoke to a friend who was told by her friend in HR that it's no longer socially appropriate to have a moniker in your email. In fact, every time they were hiring, her friend would just throw those resumes out. She adopted a new email with her full name, as many of my other friends have, showing a new professional and honest face to the internet world. However, there is something to be said about using a moniker as an "avatar," much like a video game. That is, you have the ability to craft your image and personality with relative freedom. Obviously, someone might catch you in the lie, but then again... it might be to your advantage.
To illustrate, I received Ghengis Khunt as my dating persona. Ok, I was offended at first. When my friend recommended the site to me, he told me about the funny dating personas. So my friends took it and got names such as the Window Shopper and theNymph. I get Ghengis Khunt, complete with diagram of an angry female reproductive system. I took it again and received the same thing. But after thinking it over a few days... I embraced the title. Yeah I can be quite brutal. On a more academic note, I read an article about how Muslim women are using agency to become the models of femininity that Islam prescribes. It's a stretch, but on some level, I think that I have become more confident and picky about my relationships. As "Ghengis," I've become much more honest about my feelings so that I can help anticipate potential problems. I've almost become desensitized to shooting people down online (as the non-face-to-face interaction allows me to be braver about my opinions). I mean hell, I've got to live up to the name. And yes, I know, you don't have to respond to each message, but I feel like it's nice to give a response if they seem genuine. However, I'm still working on this technique with actual live interactions.
Why Mention Race?
I note very clearly in my profile that I'm not interested in guys with "Asian Fetishes" AKA "Yellow Fever". But after perusing several profiles, I realize that a lot of people never recognize their own race in their profiles and it makes sense. One of the profile sections asks: What Do People Notice First About You? I answered: "I'm Asian... well no friggin shit." So here I am willing to point it out as if you couldn't assess it from my pictures. However, that said, I make a point that I am not a stereotype. I'm upfront about this because of my experiences on MySpace. I have received an odd number of sexual solicitations from guys who either tend to have many Asian female "friends" or those who mention it directly (Ex: "I've always had a had a sexual fantasy of getting it on with an Asian Beauty. Interested?"). In fact, I am still considering turning this into a legitimate audit study where I assess the number of "friend requests" and hook-up themed messages based on race.
Anyway, what I don't understand are the guys who respond to my OKCupid profile and make references to the "submissive lotus blossom" archetype. For example, someone asked me if I was shy because he once knew an Asian girl who looked just like me (Insert: Eye Roll) and was meek and too shy to do anything with him. This does not seem to make sense as I make it pretty apparent in my profile that I am not.
Meeting Matches:
In this town, I've already run into some of my matches before (as well as the profiles of friends). You make the assessment and then go out and put yourself on a limb. It could go anywhere. I've only gone out twice, but I'd say I've had good luck. The profiles have not to be too divorced from reality (or in reality not divorced at all - haha). In any case, this still doesn't save you from the occasional bad date, but it does leave room for some good ones.
Worst Blind Date Ever (Stolen from Digg)
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